Are you not entertained?

Funny thing (welll..not really) I remember telling a relative how sad I was over a guy in the past and she told me that I did not really "love" him and that I was using him for entertainment. Ouch..that hurt. I was reeeally hurt, because I felt that she disregarded my emotions and felt it was a joke. I really liked that guy (or so I thought). Now as time has gone by...eeeh maybe she was on to something 🥴.

I noticed if I had a crush on someone I would start flirting/texting. Doing little things to get/keep his attention. I love that it comes easy.. as corny as some of my comments may have been it was still "smooth as butter on a warm bun" and it made that person feel wanted. In my heeead, it is all fun and games and we are both participating in this. It works out for us both. I get the attention I need for the time being and vice versa. The problem is that at times I could feel myself getting attached. We would talk (alot) annnnd hang out (alot) and eventually I sensed my feelings becoming real and I actually start to like the person 😳.

Now, I realize that it only takes one thought (or in my case) a spiral from one thought to come to the conclusion that nope.. I'm over it and I'm over this situation. Reset button please! I get a text message or call and back on the "ok, I like him" train. Maybe.. 🤔she was right. Am I trippin? Am I really dysfunctional and don't know how to feel anything real anymore? Is it that I think no one will take me seriously so I'm playing this "entertainment" thing in my head? 🤔 Worse am I just his entertainment? Am I suffering from some sort of trauma that I really can't let myself have real feelings for someone? Annnd why do I have a phuggin reset button on standby anyways? 😒Lol I swear this self diagnosing is a terrible thing...I'm going to make an appointment this week.. I need answers.