Soooo I read that phrase somewhere on social media and it made me think đ€... (ok, not more than usual, but on a deeper level). Every year we, (ok me) make these resolutions of "I'm gonna stop doing that, I'll start doing this, I'm cutting this out of my life.." and honestly it is exhausting trying to remember everything about my life that I don't like. (Well atleast for me it is). There are soo many things I just can't stand about my life and how I handled certain situations. It literally eats me up when I think about what all I've been through. I know for a FACT I could have handled things much better if I actually acknowledged the real problem at hand.
You see, I have issues lol. I overthink everything, but if I am conflicted or know something will eventually hurt me/my feelings.. I will go to sleep and ignore it.(sad, I know).
For instance, I really cared about someone and I just knew it was going to go somewhere, but he wasn't interested in a relationship.. atleast not a real one with me. Instead of insisting that we resolve this and figure out what we were going to do, I just went with it. I should have kept it pushing and let go, but I couldn't get myself to. I was so worried about someone feeling ill toward me that I wasn't caring enough about how I felt and what I wanted. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't miserable. I liked him and enjoyed being around him alot, but I definitely wasn't happy. I played myself, because I didn't demand what I thought I deserved.
That's just one of many examples I can go into.
This year I'm not going to say I want to change this or that, but I want to focus on the things that make me happy and push aside any feelings or emotions that isn't working for "my greater good"..annnnd by "greater good", I mean my mental health. It's so easy to let life slip pass you, because you're soo focused on what Tommy and Susie have going on, financially, emotionally or even spiritually... or that the love you want hasn't happened yet. That doesn't mean it's not going to.. maybe this isn't the chapter of life that it's going to take place.
I do not want to dwell on what I don't have, but to be thankful for everything and all blessings that I do. If someone doesn't want to be in my life, I want to say that's their loss and actually mean it every...phuckin.. time. If I want to go somewhere I'm going to try my best to make it happen. Same with any other change I need to make to find and keep my happy place or happy space. I want to enjoy whatever time I may have left on this earth.
Maybe I'm trippin, but It's hard some days to get pass "me," but it's something that has to be done, because honestly whoooo is going to make sure that I'm happy? No one. ââđŸ
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